Frustration

So it turns out my new WW scale is kinder to me than the official WW scale.  I haven't been able to go to a meeting for the past two weeks due to my son's soccer games.  Thankfully the one today was at 11am, so I could manage a quick drive over to Redlands to weigh in and see how my new WW scale compared to the official WW scale.  I think I want my old scale back. *sighs heavily*  My WW scale this morning said I was 206, the WW scale at the meeting said I was 207.8.  So I have realized that my old scale tacking on an extra 2 lbs is much preferable to the new scale trying to be nice to me.  So of course all of my negative self talk starts up, but I won't let it win.  I am not going to dwell on this and forge ahead!

I have decided that in order for me to truly make this is a lifestyle change I need to make it my own.  I cannot do something because it is how it is expected to be done, but I need to do it in a way that will work for me.  I have long thought about starting my own recipe book, or weight loss scrap book, or just some sort of scrapbook-recipe-journal thingy.  Basically a place for me to make notes, glue in recipes or photos or inspirations what-have-yous.  I have attempted to do something like this in the past and failed.  I have been thinking about it a lot of late and this morning's frustration had me thinking on what I needed to do to get on track.  The constant back and forth of my weight as I get closer to my 10% is incredibly frustrating, I have to get off this weight gain/weight loss swing I am on and finally break under 200!

The gal at the weigh in asked me if I had any ideas on what is going on.  I was caught off guard by her question as she usually isn't too chummy with me, I just weigh in, she notes it and hands me my book with a smile...the end.  I looked at her a moment and just said "I eat too much" to which she replied "You can always stay for our Power Start sessions"  I thanked her and left.  I could not stay for the meeting due to my son's game, but I thought on that all morning.  The meetings are all well and good, I have been to all the power starts, but as I was saying before, I need to do things that I KNOW I can continue to do that will support making this a lifestyle change.  Staying for a "Power Start" again isn't going to help me right now.  I have sat through them, I need to continue to make lifestyle changes in my life that I can maintain.

So this journal I want to do...I HAVE to do it.  Anyone who knows me, knows what a nerd I am.  I LOVE office/school supplies.  I often collect them with no real agenda other than that they are cool looking or that I MIGHT find some use for something so fun.  An example of this are the pads of paper and journals I have laying around.  As I got to thinking on making this new journal I recalled a small wire bound blank journal I could not resist buying when Borders closed.  It is a good size and I already have it so why not try to start this journal idea with this book I have?  If it really takes off for me I can always buy a bigger one after I fill this one up.  So I am excited about getting started on this project and hope doing so will help keep me on course. I would LOVE to be under 200lbs by my birthday! (May 6)  I am excited to go back through all of my WW Weeklies and cut them apart for the things I enjoyed most about them and want to continue to reference. One thing that had put me off from making a journal like this before or a recipe book was making more work for myself and having all this writing or rewriting to do.  That is why I call this more of a scrapbook...I plan on cutting or scanning things and pasting them into this book for my regular use. 

I suppose now that I have inserted a photo of my new journal I should insert a photo of things I add to it!  That will help keep me accountable just like blogging every Saturday has.

Tool for Living #5 - Motivating Strategy

From the WW site: "Motivation, the best way to break through times that are tough, is that surge of energy, that inner oomph inside that inspires you to go for it."

Motivating Strategy steps:

1. Imagine yourself having already achieved your goals, and enjoying them.
2. Visualize the way your Winning Outcome will be experienced, when you achieve it. Use your senses so that you feel how it will feel. Add sounds, smells, movement.
3. Get in touch with the other good feelings that come from having achieved your goals.
4. Remain in touch with these feelings as you get back to doing the things you need to do to reach your goal.

Ironically enough this strategy is most handy when you feel frustrated!  Go figure!  I love that I was already using a motivation strategy to cope with my frustration at the scale.  My WW scrapbook is my motivation strategy! It will have all the things I find most encouraging in it.  One thing I try not to do is make excuses.  As I have written before, I am a fan of "The Biggest Loser" and this season their theme is "No Excuses."  I rather like that.  I don't want to make excuses for why I didn't lose this week.  I know I haven't been on the treadmill as much due to craziness in my week, I know I am still not 100% adhering to the Simply Filling technique, and I know I need to address that!  As for exercising, I really need to do it everyday except soccer practice days, those two days give me the break I need at the end of a very busy day.  As for the food, I have gotten better about having Power Foods on hand, but I am not one to waste food, so I have been eating my microwave lunches (all WW or Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice).  While they are not terrible, they do have points and when you are on the SF plan of WW you need to eat as many no point foods and meals as possible.  I am happy to say I have finished all of those microwave meals and am already planning on what my new lunches will be that will fall more into line with the SF plan.

I feel I am headed into this week with a good plan and I hope to see the payoff at my next weigh in!

Weight Loss Reflection

Xavier's second soccer game of the spring season kept me from my Weight Watchers meeting again, but that did not deter me!  My weight this morning was 205.5...that is a 2.5 lb loss!  I am happy to see that I recovered from my 1.8 gain.  I am only .5 off from meeting my weekly weight loss goal of 1 pound, as per stated in my Winning Outcome aka SMART goal...

My Winning Outcome/WW SMART goal:
I will loose 11 pounds through the Simply Filling technique and a minimum of 4 days of treadmill time a week, at a rate of one pound per week as verified and recorded at my meeting weigh-ins, so that the 10% goal of 200 pounds is met by Saturday, May 19th.

I feel a recap is in order!

Week 1 - March 10 - 206.2 - Winning Outcomes
Week 2 - March 17 - 208 - Storyboarding
Week 3 - March 24 - 205.5 - Empowering Beliefs

I was on Spring Break this week and had hoped to work harder at my WW SMART goal.  I did meet the minimum exercise requirements and am enjoying the addition of the leg work along with the stability ball crunches I have been doing.  I feel I could do better with the Simply Filling foods.  That seems to be my biggest difficulty, sticking to those foods.  I am not giving up though, I am sticking to my SMART goal and making this a way of life so that I can have long term success.  I don't want to lose weight to only gain it all back.  When it is gone I want it gone for good and I recognize that means life changes.

Tool for Living #4 - Mental Rehearsing

From the WW Site: "Mental Rehearsing is practicing in your mind ahead of time, being in a challenging situation. Our minds and bodies are one system, so your mind can help you behave or act a certain way."

I feel like I am beginning to do this, namely when I am faced with a dining situation that would cause me to veer off my weight loss course.  I am not perfect by far, but I find myself making small steps to avoid situations that don't provide me with the foods I should be eating and if I do end up eating something that is less than ideal, I do so in moderation, and know that more exercise is in my future!  One of my biggest obstacles on my weight loss journey is depriving myself.  I LOVE sweets, and while not every sweet is one I want to eat, there are certain ones I do. When faced with them, I do want to be able to partake.  Denying myself that sweet treat makes me grumpy.  Perhaps in time, when I have made more progress on this life change I won't feel that way, but for right now, depriving myself of sweets I enjoy at all times is something that will irritate me into failing.  I know this because it has happened to me before.  So by being aware of this I am able to better work with it and not let it derail me again.

So busy!

I am not making excuses, but this past week was insanely busy for me.  Long hours at work, soccer practices, conference...I was exhausted.  So what does all that mean?  No treadmill time and it shows.  My weight was up 1.8 lbs this week.  Due to an early morning soccer game, I was unable to go to my WW meeting, but I did get a NEW WW scale just like I said I would and it confirmed my old scale was 3-4 pounds off.  So I trust my new scale to be more like the official weigh in scale.  My new scale said I was 208 this morning and I believe it.  A busy week, no treadmill, and *that* time of the month = 1.8lb gain.  Am I bothered by that?  Discouraged?  Not at all.  I am officially on Spring Break and plan on hitting my treadmill hard this week as well as add in some leg work.  Presently I do 30-40 minutes of jog walking on the treadmill, plus arm exercises during the "walk" portions as well as crunches on a stability ball before I even get on the treadmill.  My legs have long been an area I have wished to improve.  I don't like their shape.  I can't think of a time in my life where I EVER liked how my legs looked. Fortunately we have a "workout room" in our house that my husband has equipped with various devices, one being a Smith machine.  I plan on starting out light, but I am going to be adding in squats and calf raises to help shape and tone my legs.  Now I do realize that this could slow my weight loss, but I am not going to let it deter me.  I am going to start easy and see how it goes.

So onto the Tools for Living!  Tools for Living Step 3 - Empowering Beliefs

I think this step is self explanatory.  It reminds me of a student of mine.  His head is FULL of his own negative self-talk.  We all have those moments, but it seems particularly strong in this child and I am working with him on turning the negative self talk into positive self talk.  Empowering Beliefs are just like positive self talk.

• "My weight goal is desirable and worth it."
• "I am capable of achieving my goal."
• "I deserve to achieve my goal."
• And as Stuart Smalley would say "I am good enough, I am smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"

I feel confident that I can do this, no matter what the set back or excuse.  I am not giving up and I am looking forward to my Spring Break!  I expect to work hard this week and finally see a LOSS instead of a GAIN at my next weigh in!  Ideally I would like to recover at least the 1.8 from this week, more than that would be AWESOME!

I am my own entertainment

It is weigh in day today!  So I go to my meeting...which is in Redlands at 9:30am on Saturdays.  It is the 3rd meeting location I have tried in both attempts at WW and the one that finally "clicked" with me.  The leader is a goofy but lovable red head who keeps us all chuckling.  The room is large and there are tables and chairs, it is an American Legion banquet hall and I really like it.  I rather enjoy the drive as well.  I used to go to a meeting in Rialto 5 mins from my house but was completely underwhelmed and squished. The meeting location was so TINY.  A tiny room full of big girls is suffocating. Anyway, I LOVE to drive...fast (I have a few tickets in my past to prove it) and I LOVE the wind in my hair and rockin tunes.  So a Saturday morning freeway drive is a breeze as I pump myself up for the meeting.  Just feels right.

So anyway, I cruise in my pimped out PT Cruiser (ok I had to say that because one of my girlfriends had the nerve to LAUGH at how much I love my PTC and dubbed it my "pimped out PT Cruiser" which I was SOLD on!  SO TRUE!).  Where was I?  Oh yes, cruising down the 10 freeway from Colton to Redlands in my bad ass pimped out PTC, windows down, music loud, ready to face the scale.

The moment comes and of course after WEEKS of not attending, who do I get to weigh in with?  THE LEADER!  Ugh.  I had to acknowledge that, which all the ladies there thought was funny and stepped on the scale for my Biggest Loser moment.  I hear the tell tale beeping in my head and here comes Alison...

"Melanie, last week you weighed 211 on your scale at home.  Your official Weight Watchers weight is..." *a bazillion agonizing beeps later* "206.2!  You have lost 4.8 lbs!"

Ok, so I have known my home scale is about 2 pounds more than the WW scale which I was ok with before, but now it seems to be approaching 3lbs!  I am so on Amazon after this for a WW scale, which I oh so conveniently saw in a WW magazine ad! Anyway, my home scale totally had me freaked out that I had gained more than I thought.  I last attended my WW meeting on 1.14.12 and weighed 204.4.  My home scale was telling me at the most I was 211, turns out in all the weeks I was gone I only gained 1.8lbs!  I was so happy!  I am committed to my SMART goal though!  A less than accurate scale isn't going to lull me into a false sense of security. I WANT MY 10% WW KEYRING!  What is that you ask?  Some lil trinket that I CANNOT get out of my head.  I have two little WW charms I earned for it sitting in their lil baggies, staring me in the face, that I cannot put anywhere except on that keyring!  I earned the 16 week charm for attending 16 weeks in a row (like two years go) and the 5K charm for doing a 5K walk.  I asked them if they had one for a bike marathon (I do those with Dom every year in Long Beach and LOVE IT) and they said no.  LAME!  Anyways, I want to reach my 10%, earn my keyring, make a new former-principal inspired SMART goal and keep on losing!  I WILL be the biggest loser! *laughs*  Oh and there are more lil charms to go on this keyring, for 25lbs, 50lbs, 75lbs, and so on.  You can see photos of them and descriptions on this gal's blog: http://jazzieandtahlia.typepad.com/my_weblog/2011/02/my-key-chain.html

Tools for Living Step 2 - Storyboarding

From the WW site: "Storyboarding helps you identify the steps you need to take to make your Winning Outcome a reality. Break down your long-term goals, i.e., your Winning Outcome, into a list of shorter-term goals or steps. Then draw or write out each one, Goal One through your Winning Outcome."

My Winning Outcome/WW SMART goal:
I will loose 11 pounds through the Simply Filling technique and a minimum of 4 days of treadmill time a week, at a rate of one pound per week as verified and recorded at my meeting weigh-ins, so that the 10% goal of 200 pounds is met by Saturday, May 19th.

My Storyboard
I much prefer writing over drawing, so here goes...

• I will get on the treadmill at least 4 days a week.
• I will stock my kitchen with Power Foods.
• I will apply the Simply Filling technique.
• I will lose at least one pound a week.
• I will attend my weekly WW meeting.
• I will meet my goal on or before May 19th.
• I will blog after every WW meeting to solidify my commitment to my overall health and well being.

I would actually like to make my 10% by May 6th, my birthday.  That is a Sunday, so I would have to hit it on the May 5th weigh in to celebrate!  I won't beat myself up if that doesn't happen, I wanted my SMART goal to be attainable and I need all the weeks I can get!

So I am feeling great and optimistic once again, I hope this isn't a mood swing... *laughs*

Winning Outcomes - SMART Goal for weight loss?

I have been kind of grumpy lately, mainly due to my lack of forward progress in meeting my weight loss goal.  I came so close to my 10% Weight Watchers goal, to only go backwards.  I have been too busy with work and life in general to take a strong stance against this backward movement.  I feel like I am slowly sliding downhill, losing the weight loss battle again.

I thought for a while that budget restrictions would cause me to cancel my online subscription to Weight Watchers.  After re-evaluating things I have found this is not the case and I am glad.  I recognize when I am making excuses and cutting the only thing that keeps me thinking about weight loss would be giving into my excuses.

I have been highly unmotivated to exercise of late and I feel like today I am finally able to break that.  I would work out right now if it were possible, but it isn't.  I am blogging on the go as this weekend as been a very busy one.  As soon as I am home, I am going for a jog on the treadmill.  I found that I have been viewing working out as yet another chore, and when I get into my overwhelmed mood I cut off things that make me feel overwhelmed.  I wish I found solace in exercise more.  Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.  Today I have gotten so grumpy and frustrated, only a brisk job on the treadmill until I am sweaty and tired can lift my mood.

I have been reading the Weight Watchers site more on my lunch breaks this past week, and I keep coming across the "Tools for Living" list.  That list is:

1. Winning Outcomes
2. Storyboarding
3. Empowering Beliefs
4. Mental Rehearsing
5. Motivating Strategy
6. Positive Self-Talking
7. Reframing
8. Anchoring

I figure I have not really made Weight Watchers a "way of life."  It is just something I do to try to maybe lose weight.  So I am attempting to make it a way of life.  I HATE tracking.  Let see how many ways I can say HATE and emphasize my point...abhor, detest, loathe...  Get my drift?  So then that leaves the "Simply Filling" Technique.  No tracking and only eating power foods.  As far as I understand it, you get your weekly bank of points, but don't adhere to the daily points.

After reading the page on the WW site about the "Tools for Living" I thought I would take more steps to make WW a way of life.  A friend of mine from guide dogs (Laurel) really stands out to me as an example of making WW a way of life.  She did it and you could see her body change, it was amazing.  I would like to be able to do that too. 

So now I attempt to make WW a way of life.  I don't like the way I feel or look and I want to be healthier.  So WW Tool #1 - Winning Outcome aka SMART Goal!  I had to laugh reading the WW page on winning outcomes and thinking of my former principal.  He was a SMART goal-aholic.  Winning outcomes are SMART Goals.  For those of you that don't teach with me a SMART Goal is...Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.

I watch the Biggest Loser, it is one of my favorite shows. I was thinking the last time I watched it how much courage it took to stand there for the world to see, all the rolls of fat and cellulite, and then your weight... I have avoided stating my weight publicly, though I have admitted it to friends when I talk to them about weight.  So I make this blog my own Biggest Loser scale.  I started WW about 2 years ago, with Kerri in May, and I want to say this May will make 2 years since rejoining WW.  


*Does her best Alison Sweeney (hostess of the Biggest Loser) impression*

"Melanie, when you started your weight loss journey nearly two years ago with Weight Watchers, your starting weight was 222 pounds.  Your current weight is..."

*insert dramatic scale music here*
 
"211 pounds."

*Melanie sighs heavily and rolls her eyes*

For a while I was holding at 204 pounds and have been gradually climbing upward, it is aggravating.  For my height (5'6") I am told I should weight 150 - 155 pounds.  I have not weighed that much since I was 16 years old. I don't believe this to be a realistic goal for myself.  In preparation for my wedding, I got my weight down to 170.  I think that is a much more realistic goal.  For now I will focus on my 10% WW goal of 200 pounds.  I am presently 11 pounds away from it.  I will do as my former principal had our grade levels do and make a short term SMART goal.

My Winning Outcome/WW SMART goal:
I will loose 11 pounds through the Simply Filling technique and a minimum of 4 days of treadmill time a week, at a rate of one pound per week as verified and recorded at my meeting weigh-ins, so that the 10% goal of 200 pounds is met by Saturday, May 19th.


That seems to get in all the aspects of a SMART goal and does not seem unrealistic to me.  I am trying very hard not to feel negative about this and quit.  I HAVE to do this.