A date like no other...

I'm back! And I am happy to report I have reached a WW milestone...25 pounds lost!  I had not been able to go to my WW meetings regularly due to Xavier's soccer season, and then his joint birthday party with his cousin, but I was thrilled to finally go back and learn that even with several months of no meetings I met the 25 pound goal!  That in itself was very encouraging and motivating.  I was rather pleased with myself that some healthy habits have taken root in me.  I had thought I should get to blogging again starting with that, but something else happened to spur my writing.

The day of Xavier's last soccer game was one to remember.  Much goes on for the last soccer game of the season, especially for a team mom.  I had laid out what needed to be done that day for things to go smoothly. The first of which was picking up the trophies I had ordered for the boys.  That in itself is a whole other story very much in the vein of my UPS rant on Facebook, so I won't go into it now.

I was running on time.  I arrived at the trophy place, inspected and paid for the trophies, and then went out to my car...my treasured PT Cruiser...to find it had a flat tire.  I was like "REALLY? Right now???" I had recently changed the tire on our Tribute with the assistance of a coworker, and previous to that had changed the tire myself on the PT once before a while ago.  So I sighed and got to work.  I have never called AAA for a flat despite having it.  I hate calling places and I hate waiting so I always figure it is best to do it myself if I can.  And there is also something about a flat tire that makes me all "I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!" *laughs*

My beloved PT Cruiser

So I change my own tire, and then try to get the spare tire cage that is under the car to come back up.  I am in a hurry and it won't come up fast enough so I thought "Screw it, I'll see to that later!"I was already late for the game and that was killing me and I had the snacks for half time so I couldn't let the boys down!  So I speed off as fast as my spare tire will let me (which is over its printed max speed) and I arrive in time to watch some of the 2nd period and have the snacks to hand out at half time!  I was thrilled and the rest of the day went off without a hitch.

The next day it was time to see to the tire issue.  I had already known my car was in need of a new set so I had that arranged.  When I came to pick up my car from the tire place I was angry that they had left the spare in my trunk.  Dom was with me and I exchanged some angry words with him about the tire place and he then saw to placing the spare back in its cage to find that there was no cage hook!  It had fallen off when I failed to secure the empty spare tire cage under the car.

Naturally I call a local Chrysler dealer for the parts department. Turns out they don't sell just the hook of course and that the whole piece would be $180!  No thank you!  I am not sure where the salvage yard idea came into play, but that was the new plan and I made sure Dom was willing to help me as I know he is handy with cars and had done some light repair work on his own.  So I let the issue rest for a few weeks til I was on break and this weekend I kicked off what I have affectionately called the "Spare Tire Hook Scavenger Hunt!"

I was leery of going to a scarp yard...I likened it to an automotive graveyard.  And here I was looking for the dead body of my very own beloved PT Cruiser, to pick at it like a vulture.  I was surprised when arriving at the 1st scrap yard at how much that mindset left me.  I was immediately curious about the "culture" of those who frequent these places, and the stories of all the cars in the yard.  They must have stories, and there was no way to know any of them really.  I figured many of them had tragic stories, especially based on the terrible condition of several of them. 

As Dom and I walked the yard, finding the rule, or the sorting pattern... (laughs) the cars might be in, I found myself thinking about Mad Max and the Thunderdome, and game shows, and all sorts of other things to make the hunt entertaining.  I commented to Dom on this new experience and how after all these years of being with him, that we were now on a date at a salvage yard and I was enjoying it.  He rolled his eyes at me like he often does and I laughed as I got my exercise in speed walking the salvage yard hunting for a wrecked PT that would give me the part I needed!

Unfortunately day one of "Spare Tire Hook Scavenger Hunt" ended in failure.  I was bummed but we would go again on Sunday to two new yards in the area.  One claimed to have a PT in the yard, but it had been there nearly a month and could very well no longer be there.  Turned out it wasn't.  I realized we were quickly coming to the end of my game and would come up with no part and I would have to buy the $180 part from the dealer.  I was given renewed hope when we were met with the immense size of the final yard.  I felt hope right off.  The place was huge and we began the hunt anew.  We quickly set into finding the sorting rule of this new yard and soon found the first half did not hold our prize.  We quickly moved on and I walked ahead looking for the Chrysler section as we had learned the yards seem to sort in similar fashions, but there was no telling where they would place a PT Cruiser.  It is classified as a "wagon" but none of the yards had a "wagon" section or any PTs so, we could not be sure where one would be.  We eliminated obvious sections, like imports, and had found the Chrysler section was rather small and limited to Neons and Seabrings. 

So I round a corner and I see a Chrysler...I get excited and knew this was it, it was now or never, would I be paying $180??

NOPE!!  I walk very slowly through the Chryslers and if a ray of sun could have come from the cloudy sky and shone down on the wreck of my prize it would have been perfect!

I had only seen the black PT and practically sprinted to find Dom.  I was thrilled!  There should have been confetti shooting off!  I shouted for him when I reached the main walk and led him to the recessed prize.  He smiled and said "You found two!" I was like "WHAT?"  I had been so excited I did not notice the white one.  I had already checked the black one and saw the hook was still in place.  I checked the white one and it was there too.  So we took them both!

THE HOOK! (All I needed was what is on the left, and all the dealer sells is on the right.)

I thanked my husband for all the lovely dates we had at salvage yards this weekend after our victory.  He laughed and rolled his eyes at me again and once the hook held my spare tire securely in place once more, we drove off and knew that if I should ever need a part for my PT again we knew just the place to look!

"I Got This"

Not sure how many noticed I didn't blog last week...that was on purpose.  I was too angry to blog.  I was only down another .2 on the WW scale for an official weight of 201.2.  I had fully expected to meet my 10% last week and was fuming that I hadn't.  As the leaders and coaches always say, when you don't get the results you had hoped for, it is time to look back on your week to see where you could have done better.  Well, as you all know I HATE tracking, so there is no tracker to look back on besides what is in my head, so that is what I did.  As I sat in that meeting, steaming, I forced myself to reflect on the week.  My eating was not unusual, but my activity wasn't as high as it should be.  So I resolved to be active 5 days a week...and to allow the treadmill to control what I do.  What that means is, rather than just manually adjusting the treadmill, that I submit myself to it's programs (it has like 12 or 15 built in) and just do it!  So I made the treadmill my trainer and started with program one, each subsequent night doing the next program, each one becoming a bit harder.  Program 4 from last night had me jog for a bit which was good as I know a bit of running shakes the weight of me.

So today I weigh in and the scale reads 200.  The gal weighing me in looks at me and says "So close!" and I was like "Close??" Then I gave her that what-you-talking-bout-willis look and called her attention to my card. "I weighed 222 when I started, 200 is 10% of that!"  She laughs and says "It is!  Congrats!  I meant you are close to not being in the 200s!"  So we had a laugh and she congratulated me some more and I went to sit and wait for the meeting to begin.  The leader kicked things off with rewards as she always did, and when she asked for 10% I raised my hand and her praise was wonderful, along with the rest in the room clapping for me, I really was touched and I finally have my lil keyring to hold my WW charms!  I looked at the one charm I have been holding for TWO YEARS and slid it on first with a grin.  Sometimes she asks members who hit milestones to share, but she didn't today as the meeting had started late. I am glad she didn't because I am not sure what I would have said.  I know if I was built for tracking I would probably have met this goal long ago, but my advice to any who do this is that it is truly a lifestyle change and there is no time frame on when you can do that.  You have to do it in your own time and be patient with yourself in order to succeed.

So with that goal met it is time to create another.  I have been thinking about this for the past few weeks, knowing my 10% was right around the corner.  I am not so sure I want my next goal to be a number on the scale.  According to medical guidelines a female for my height should weight about 150 pounds.  I have not weighed that since I was 16!  Then there is my wedding weight...170.  I felt good at that weight but still had concerns about my body.  So rather than focus on a number I have decided to make my major "problem area" my target.  My legs.  I have never liked their shape and weight loss alone isn't going to change that.  Since my husband has experience weight lifting, I have asked him to outline for me what I need to do to sculpt my legs.  I have already made peace with the fact that muscle weighs more than fat so I will see the scale go up more than likely...but in the end things will settle out and I will have legs I don't feel I need to cover all the time.  Once I have sat down with my husband to outline what must be done, I will make my new WW SMART goal!

I wanted to thank those who take the time to read my blogs and leave me notes on Facebook.  Your virtual support means the world to me.

Summer Reading Program Book Review

"I Got This: How I Changed My Ways and Lost What Weighed Me Down" by Jennifer Hudson

Two weeks ago I took my son to the Summer Reading Program kick off in Rancho Cucamonga.  The event was very well done and I was surprised to see that they not only had a Summer Reading Program for the kids, but for Teens and Adults as well. Being the nerdy bookworm that I am, I did not hesitate in signing myself up.  The question became 'What will I read?'  I ushered my son into the library and we set off to finding some books for him first.  Once we had selected a few nice dinosaur books, I set him down to start reading so I could have a look at the books for adults.  I already knew I didn't want to pour over shelves of books so headed right for the new releases to see what caught my eye.  It wasn't too long before I saw Jennifer Hudson's book and grabbed it without a second thought.

Regular readers of my blog know I always write about my weight loss journey, and how long and slow it has been, but with the help of Weight Watchers I am making those fundamental changes in myself that will ensure long term success.  Those changes do not come over night and I know myself, I am very stubborn and must do things my way at times. 

So back to Jennifer.  I will admit I was never a big American Idol fan.  I think I may have watched the season she was on, and saw "Dream Girls."  She is clearly a talented individual and I am not the sort to hate on someone for their success.  Hers is a name I have known for some time, and when she became the spokeswoman for Weight Watchers I began to pay a bit more attention to her.  I knew of her book, but prior to the reading program I was not inclined to read it as I am not one for autobiographies or biographies.  I tend to favor fantasy and fiction generally.

I really enjoyed reading her book.  It was written in a conversational tone as if I was her girlfriend and she was sitting near me just sharing her story.  Everyone has their journey and Jennifer is no different.  Her overall success, personal and professional, is inspiring and I would recommend this book to anyone who is curious about the struggles and successes of a celebrity.

Nearly There

I am happy to say that though I feared weighing up at my WW meeting due to a week that had more eating on-the-go/eating out than I may have liked, I weighed in at 201.4.  That is 1.4lbs away from my 10% WW goal.  I have found myself rather introspective about how close I am to my goal, and how badly I want to meet it and leave it far behind me.  While the road to weight loss has been a VERY long one, I am finally making the life changes I need to make sure that as I lose, I keep the weight off.  As of today I have officially lost over 20 pounds on Weight Watchers.  It pleases me to say that, and I shush the voice in my head that says "Is that all?"  20 pounds is a significant number and as my BBF Sooz pointed out to me in a recent phone conversation, maintaining a (then) 15 pound weight loss for 2 years is a big deal.  Her words have stuck with me and remind me that while I am still not where I would like to be with my weight loss that I have accomplished something...today that is 20 pounds lost, sure it took me 2 years, but as with many things in life weight loss that lasts is a learning process.  I know "quick fixes" don't have the staying power I want for positive changes in my life.  I HAVE to hit my goal next weigh in.  Participating in Meetups has helped give me some new ideas on changing up my exercise and getting me outside as well.  I enjoy a 6 mile walk with some friendly Meetup folks once week and my family and I will be cycling the nearby Pacific Electric Trail in the late afternoon/evening once a week.  I build in physical activities to my outings whenever possible and focus on choosing Power Foods whenever I can.  Slow and steady wins the race right? ;)

Summer Home School, Meetups, Fontana Days, Weight Watchers, Decluttering...WHEW!

Today I did the 57th Annual Fontana Day's 5k walk.  I have done this walk for the past few years with teachers form my school and it is a lot of fun.  It was a great day for a walk and I feel like we finished faster than we did last year!  I don't recall our last year time, but this year was 51 minutes.  I know before my son was born I was able to do a 5k in 45 minutes, so that is my goal for the coming years, 45 minutes or less!  I was thrilled to be able to finish the walk before my WW meeting.  I knew I would weigh up because of "that" time of the month, as well as the water I had drunk during the walk.  But I didn't stress it, I expect a big drop next week!  My official WW weight this week was 204.8.  I am not discouraged though, there are reasons for the gain and I have some activities planned for the week that will keep me busy.

I have really enjoyed the Meetup groups I have joined.  Two in particular are standouts for me...IE Kids Club and Energized! Outdoor Adventures.  Both of these groups are active, have family and dog friendly events that interest me, and are in my area, not to mention the really nice people I have met.  My schedule this past week was quite full thanks to these two groups and my son and I had a blast.  He wakes up each day to ask "Where are we going today Mommy?"  I know I am spoiling him and have to let him down easy when we don't have a Meetup to go to, but I remind him that we cannot do something every day, nor do we have to and that quiet time at home is just as valuable.  He is finding that a hard lesson to learn, but I am sure one day he will understand. *grins*

Decluttering is at the top of my list as well this summer. I have managed to get our living room the way I would like to see it remain, open and free of toys and trash.  Our dining table has become Xavier's workspace and it is really working out well.  I am training Xavier hard to clean up as soon as possible, not to let things linger, and while he fusses some at it, each day is easier.  Overall he is an obedient child, I just have to stay on him, because like many kids, if you don't stay on them they will get away with whatever you let them.

Overall I am pleased with the way the summer has started and I am feeling like I am getting a lot done, which feels great.  I plan on focusing a bit more on clutter this week as I become a bit more selective of which Meetups we go to.

What a week

This was the last week of school and it was quite a whirlwind.  On the whole it was upbeat, things went smoothly at school, the kids had fun, and the week wrapped up right on schedule with little to no headaches.  I tried to keep the learning going right up til Wednesday til we entered what a friend called "Movie Mode."  I had to laugh at that, I knew exactly what he meant, but I in no way was showing my students movies all day long.  Wednesday was "Water Wednesday" where the 3rd grade teachers had a massive water fight arranged for the 3rd graders in our grassy field.  I spent the whole morning filling water balloons and shouting at kids - "HEY! NO WETTING MRS. RUIZ!  THAT IS THE ONE RULE TODAY!"  *laughs*  They had a lot of fun and were sad they couldn't just throw water balloons at each other all day long.  Thursday was awards and their pizza party.  For awards I get all gussied up.  I have my moments where I take it up a notch for work, but my days are so busy and the wind in Fontana is so frequent... *grins*  I usually dress in what is most comfortable and won't leave me looking ragged and wind blown at the end of the day.  But on awards day I toss that mindset out and for the gold!  Still no make up tho, I have never been one for make up, but everything else looks great!  So I show up that day and I get several compliments!  The biggest one being how people can tell I have lost weight.  I loved that. 

I figure my weight loss hasn't been very apparent because I haven't bought new clothes in AGES.  Perhaps after I hit my 10% I can get a few new things.  I was just thinking my favorite stores are Torrid, J.Jill and Lucy.  I haven't gotten something from J.Jill in forever and a pair of linen pants I have from there has finally given way...I love linen...Anyway, I lost track of how many compliments I got on Thursday from students to colleagues to parents to friends, it was awesome.  So naturally that day went very smoothly as well!  Friday was "Fun Friday"  The kids got to bring their electronics and/or favorite toys from home and enjoy them with each other for one final day.  The kids clearly had a great time and that made me smile.  I was able to check out of my room that day and not have to return for our official last work day after the Memorial Day holiday, I was thrilled!

So on to weight loss!  I was finally able to enjoy another WW meeting yesterday.  I didn't blog about it because we had Xavier's final soccer game and pool party that completely absorbed the rest of my day, but the meeting was awesome and added to my pretty awesome week.

I weighed myself at home with my two scales and for the most part they seem to be right on.  For a couple days this week I saw 203 so I was excited, but come weigh in morning my scales averaged out at 204.5 again.  I was bummed I would see little or nothing at the WW scales, but I went anyway.  I have ditched WW meetings before when I figure I will weigh up, but I have come to realize that is counter productive.  So yesterday morning I get up early to make some preparations for soccer, fix a date shake...which is so TASTY!  They remind me of a Starbucks Frapaccino.  Anyway, I get to the WW meeting early, so I can claim my spot, and weigh in without waiting in a huge line and I get the leader, Cindee.  She is as perky as ever and I step on the scale.  She then says cheerfully "Oh! Yay!  You are down two!"  I look at her and ask ".2?"  She laughs and says "No!  2 pounds!"  I stare at her in disbelief a moment then smile, take my things and go sit.  I look at the card she made my weight notation on and sure enough it says 202.4.  I could not believe it.  I weighed this only once before on my 2+ year journey on Weight Watchers...January 29, 2011.  I went right back up after that, it has taken me over a year to get that close to my 10%.  It would be awesome to achieve my 10% this coming week. 2.4 in one week is possible, but will take a lot of effort.  I am off for the summer now and have some things planned to do with my son that will keep us both active, so part of me thinks it is quite possible to achieve this long time goal, I am excited!

So my plan is to keep a close eye on my eating, choose power foods whenever possible, keep blending, and keep active!  I think with all that a 2.4 loss this week is totally doable!

Summer is Near!

It is amazing how the lack of my WW meetings leaves me feeling a bit unfocused.  I was unable to attend my WW meeting this Saturday due to another soccer game.  I really do miss those meetings.  It does wonders for centering and grounding me.  That said, my unofficial weight Saturday was 204.5, which is more or less the same as the week before.  I am feeling 204 is my new plateau and I have to be careful to not let it creep up over that. I ate out a few times this week for various reasons, and my weight seems unaffected for the moment, but I will not take comfort in that.  I have to be sure to get in my exercise as I haven't this weekend.

Smoothie making has been a frustration.  Even though I follow the recipe they still come out tasting nasty.  I think my hubby discovered the right base for the fruit ones, so I am feeling better about that.  I made a kiwi-berry one tonight which was acceptable, could probably use some tweaking.  This week we figure out what the base is for a good veggie smoothie.  Our theory at the moment base on some of the recipes we have seen is apples...lots of apples.

I am coming into the last week of school which is awesome.  I am looking forward to my summer.  I usually travel to at least on teaching conference, but am opting out this summer due to expense.  I really am trying to keep my spending under control and paying for airfare to a conference out of state doesn't fit well into that plan.  I will opt for some virtual conferences, there is still much to learn that way, and from the comfort of my own home!

I also have plans for my son...it will be Summer Home School for Xavier!  Yay!  I finally feel he is at an age where I can really use my official teacher skills to help him maintain what he has learned.  Yes I know I have been his teacher his whole life, but I don't think he has been ready for prolonged periods of study until having been in school a full day.  I have cleared a space for him in the house that is his workspace.  As I often tell parents, a child needs their own space to work and study, away from distraction and well equipped with the materials they need to learn.  We had Xavier's study-things sort of jumbled at the kitchen table where we also eat.  Since I am in a decluttering sort of mood (more on that later) I hit the living room hard, had him clear out all this toys (which he has been leaving ALL OVER THE PLACE) and the dining table we never use has become his study space.  It will have his computer there as well once I get it worked on.  I have already begun working out a schedule for him in my mind:

• 7:30 am - wake up and eat
• 8:00 am - Workbook time! (1st grade review - Math & Language Arts)
• 8:30 am - Reading time
• 9:00 am - Computer time (academic sites)
• 9:30 am - PE!  To the park for soccer drills and practice with Coach Mommy!

I have joined a few MeetUp groups, one of which is for parents and kids to do fun things in our area.  They are very active and I have already signed up for some "field trips." So that on top of a major decluttering project and various other random things sprinkled here and there make for a busy summer!  I had a great class of students this year, but I am ready for a couple months to do my own thing, and give my son the full one on one Mommy-teacher time he needs.

Happy Mother's Day

Here I thought last weekend was busy!  This weekend was full of Mother's Day festivities.  I barely had enough time to roll into my WW meeting on Saturday morning to weigh in and up at 204.4 before running off to a soccer game where my son made his first goal of the season! 

Weighing up .4 was frustrating seeing as how I don't believe I was "bad" in any way this past week and I had been blending.  My hubby pointed out I do like the fruit smoothies more than the veggie ones and perhaps that was part of the problem.  So this week I intend on drinking more veggie smoothies to see what that does.  Nevertheless I failed to meet my Winning Outcome.  I am bummed by that, but I am feeling good and ready to write a new one! I am 4.4 lbs away from my 10% and that magical WW key chain.  There are 2 weigh ins left this month.  I want to make my goal by May 26th.  I won't be able to weigh in this coming Saturday due to a soccer game, but I will be able to make the meeting on the 26th.  That means I need to lose 2.2 at least for the next two weeks.  That is alot by WW standards, but I want this so bad, it HAS TO happen.  I am so close.  So my new SMART Winning Outcome is...By May 26th I will reach my 10% goal weight of 200lbs by exercising 4 days a week, incorporating more jogging into my treadmill routine, and having at least 4 veggie based smoothies a week, as well as continuing to adhere to the Simply Filling method.

This blog entry will have to be short, I am spent and need to get to bed, but I couldn't let the weekend go and fail to live up to my commitment of blogging each weekend!  I hope all the mothers that may be reading this had an excellent Mother's Day!

Happy Birthday to ME!

38 years young today!  I cannot believe my 30s will soon be behind me. Before I get all reflective on that, let's talk weight!

So this blog comes one day later than I would usually post, mainly because the day before my birthday was rather busy.  I did make my WW meeting to learn not only did I lose the .2 from last week, but an additional pound!  204 was the official weight for me and I was thrilled.  I have a routine when I go to my WW meetings.  I try to be there at least 15 minutes before it begins so that I am not missing anything when the team leader (Cindee) starts.  Cindee actually helps people weigh in before the meeting and I was fortunate to have her weigh me in and give me the good news.  She is just one of those perky, energetic types that we all need in our lives...not over the top or irritating, but just generally upbeat and always has a smile for you.  She congratulated me on my loss and pointed out that I have not had many gains as she looks over my track record.  That is just the sort of optimism I love.  I agree and point out that I tend to stall, but this is a learning process and we all learn on our own curve...I am a teacher, I should know! ;)

Anyway, I take my happy self out to the meeting where I have already claimed a spot.  I bring my breakfast (as do many...we won't eat BEFORE weigh in!), as well as a bag I use to "scrapbook" in my WW journal.  So I record my weight on my iPhone app and review my weight graph...noting that I have been at this attempt of WW a full 2 years, that I have essentially kept 15 pounds off for that time, and that only once before had I come this close to meeting my 10%.  January 29, 2011...202.4lbs...then right back up.  That won't happen this time.  I am not sure what caused that failure last year, but I want to his my goal so bad it isn't funny.  Hitting 200lbs will get me the coveted WW keyring all the big girls "ooo and ahhh" for, but getting under 200 and staying there will be a big deal to me, and that WW keyring is only the beginning.  I would love to hit my original goal of 200 by 5/11/12 as I wrote in my Winning Outcome, but a 4 lbs loss in one week is big.  The biggest loss I recall managing in recent history was 2.8lbs.  Part of me thinks with some consistent blending and exercise I could pull off the 4lb loss and I am curious to see if I really can.  I recall WW saying something about 1 to 2 lbs/week as a good and normal pace for losing weight, and I have seen that to be true for myself.  In the end I know if I don't hit my goal this coming weigh in, I will hit it the next and I am very excited about that!

I had a few interruptions during my WW meeting that threatened to take the joy out of the moment.  My 10 year old "pimped out" PT Cruiser is in the shop for some repairs.  Think what you will about PT Cruisers, but I LOVE mine and it has never let me down.  Even for the laundry list of things it needs to bring it back into top shape, that car runs for me, and always has.  Something I have not written about here before and will mention briefly now is money and debt.  No one wants to talk about those things, and neither had I.  I have a lot of debt...student loans, credit cards, mortgage, car payment.  Thankfully the PT is not the car that has any payments on it, which makes me love it even more.  That car is ALL MINE, I paid for it, from start to finish.  That fact makes me love it even more.  I have recently cut credit cards out of my life, closing my accounts and working to pay them off.  It had been a painful process at first, but I have come to really enjoy not using credit to make purchases, using my debit card instead, knowing that money was coming directly out of my account, that there was no interest being charged, no balances going up, no creditor to worry about.  So why mention all this now?  Because I am paying for my car's repairs with cash, and because my car needs so many repairs I cannot make all at once no matter how much I would love to, that I wrestle with what I can have done, what is most important, what I have the MONEY for.  These sort of calls came during my WW meeting, threatening to ruin the happy place I need every Saturday morning to prepare for the coming week. 

I missed the bulk of my WW meeting because of these calls.  I was greatly frustrated by simply not having enough money to fix my car the way it needs to be so that all its ailments were eliminated.  The simple reality of the matter came to me quite quickly...I have some money, and some of the things can be fixed...the important things.  I am grateful to have my husband to count on when it comes to the world of automotive mechanics, as he is knowledgeable in that realm.  I am grateful that the people we deal with at Goodyear/Tire Guys are genuinely good people who are doing their job, not out to make a fast one.  So between Goodyear and my husband the list was prioritized, money limitations discussed, and the car got some of the work it needs done.

As for my Saturday morning I reclaimed what I could of it to get back into my happy WW place.  The main meeting had ended by the time I returned to my seat, but a refresher was about to begin.  I stayed for that, working on my scrapbook, sipping my coffee, unable to eat my breakfast bar due to a sudden loss of appetite.  I stayed even some after the refresher as other gals had stayed to talked to Cindee.  Finally it was just Cindee and I and she asked what I figured she would..."What are you doing over here?" in her perky way.  I has happy to have the chance to tell her about my scrapbook and say the things I usually don't say during the meetings.  Her meetings are very well attended and lots of others have things to say, so I don't prolong things with my comments unless I am really motivated to.  So in this brief one on one with her I told her all of my various thoughts on WW...my scrapbook, my journey, how close I am to 10%, how long it has taken me, and why I come to her meetings over one much closer to me.  I told her how much I enjoy her meetings because of her, and her energy, and how they help me get the week started off right.  She enjoyed hearing that as I knew she would, hearing you are appreciated and that your work is meaningful does wonders for a person, and sincerely meant it and wanted her to know.

As I close my blog I realized I meant to reflect on my 38th year and the things I have learned, but I guess in a way I have.  My main lessons at the moment seem to be weight and money management, however something came to me this week...enjoy what you have, don't continue to chase the things you wish you had, but enjoy what you have as they are well earned and you love them.  More on that soon... :)

[Insert catchy title here]

Point two...I had a point two gain today at my weigh in, for a weight of 205.2.  I had been toying with 204 a couple of times this week, but didn't have a strong enough hold on it to make it stick at the weigh in.  I go back and forth in my head...the negative self talk combated by the positive self talk and after enough rounds of this the positive wins.  I am too close to breaking through the 204 barrier now.  If I can hold 204 then push through it I will be thrilled.  So time to think about what I can do to make this happen...

I don't track because as WW writes in much of its material some of us aren't wired for tracking.  I wholeheartedly agree.  I am aware of what I eat and make as many choices Power Food as is possible.  Practically all I eat is based on the power foods and recipes I have gotten from WW.  I have my moments of course, when I splurge, but I don't believe them to be so much that it is preventing me from losing.  So beyond making sure I stay mindful about my eating and continuing to make "powerful" choices, I need to exercise more, perhaps make treadmill time 45 mins instead of only 30.  I am already doing some weights for shaping my legs, but not so heavy as to build too much muscle.  I am aware that could be slowing my efforts as well.

My husband mentioned juicing to me this morning and I cringed.  Seems he watched a documentary about it and is curious.  My thinking is I don't want to do anything extreme, because the results would likely be temporary.  The last "extreme" thing I did was Lindora before my wedding. I could not continue to live and eat that way so the weight came back.  I don't care to repeat that.  That makes me think of something my WW leader said today, it was something like if you tire of restarting, stop quitting.  I want to make my weight loss stick, I want it to become what WW prepares you for, a life style change.

More on this juicing thing when I see the documentary later today.  I enjoy eating too much to do juicing well.  My husband proposed doing it when I was on summer break (if I do it at all) and I think that would be wise.  I get incredibly grumpy when I haven't eaten!

I have written through all the Tools for Living now, so I will go with the topic of the week at WW or whatever strikes my fancy.  I feel confident I am committed to weekly blogging now.

Choosing an anchor

I was able to go to my WW meeting today and it felt good.  I haven't been able to go for a few weeks due to my son's soccer games, as well as my own negative feelings about my weight.  I felt I had a good week and was ready to face the WW scale again.  As I have written before, I average my scales...I have my old scale which I refer to as the "mean" scale that adds a pound or two to what the WW scale says, then I have the new "nice" WW endorsed scale, which seems to take a pound or two off.  I find I enjoy the harshness of the "mean" scale so that I am surprised at WW rather than the kindness of the "nice" scale which leaves me pissed on the WW scale.  So for the past few weeks I have been averaging my weight between the two scales as logic would suggest this would get me a truer prediction of what I will weigh on the WW scale.  The lowest I saw this week was 204, but for the past few days I have been 205.  I went to my WW meeting eager to see if my scale routine would match up and it did!  the WW scale had me at 205 as well. YAY!

So the kicker is being able to hold on to that.  I always seem to creep back up to about 208 once I come down this low.  I have to combat that.  My Winning Outcome/SMART Goal due date is soon approaching, as is my birthday.  I would love to be able to give myself the gift of being under 200lbs by my birthday!  That is 6lbs between now and May 6th.  Hmmm..."6lbs by the 6th!"  I want that so bad!

I am a multitasker.  I cannot sit in any sort of meeting and not be doing something simultaneously.  So what I tried today was to add to my weight loss scrapbook while listening to the meeting.  I brought my scissors and glue and I always bring WW materials to the meeting to review anyhow so I selected one and cut out various bits and glued them in while listening to the leader talk.  Today I glued in bits about eating out and portion sizes.

Tool for Living #8: Anchoring
From the WW site: "When sticking to the plan is tough, that's when you need Anchoring, a process for creating cues and triggers to remind yourself of your weight goal and the inner resources you have to achieve it."

1. Identify the inner resource you need to respond the way you want. 
2. Remember a time when you had that inner resource. Think about the circumstances that surrounded you. See what you saw, hear what you heard and feel what you felt at that time. 
3. Choose an anchor that will bring you back to that time in an instant: a mental picture, a word, a gesture or an object. 
4. Then, remember again that time when you had that strong inner resource. When the feeling you had then is strong within you, connect it to your Anchor. 
5. Use your Anchor by itself. Did it work? Are you in touch with your resource? If not, keep repeating Step 4 until your Anchor grounds you when times are rough. 

The anchor that comes to mind when I think on this is one of my many wedding pictures.  My long term goal is to weigh what I weighed at my wedding.  I know some would say that is  unreasonable, but I really don't think it is.  I think the official weight for my height is unreasonable.  I am 5'6" and the official weight for my height is about 150lbs.  I haven't weighed that since I was 16.  For my wedding I lost 30 pounds on Lindora and got to 170lbs.  I still felt fat then, but overall I felt it was the best I had ever looked in my adult life.  I think on all my wedding photos and smile as I recall how trim I looked, how small my waist appeared and I love it.  I have always been thick in the rear, hips and legs, but in that big wedding dress, those flaws were lost...I loved that!  So I think the best anchor for me when I need to draw on some inner strength is the day I was married.  It was a glorious day on so many levels and I never felt so beautiful in all of my life.

More frustration

I didn't go to my Weight Watchers meeting today, though I had the chance.  I had a terrible week and didn't want it heightened on the scale.  It was "that time" of the month again and I wasn't feeling my best.  I did manage to keep my eating on track, though without regular exercise it does very little but maintain.  My averaged weight was essentially 208 all week.  I slept in today and when I finally got up and weighed in (in my bathroom) my averaged weight was 206.  I was relieved to see that, but I have been 204 in recent weeks and I would LOVE to maintain that for a week, not just a few days.

I have been wrestling with a lot of negative self talk this week, but here I am, late and having missed a meeting when I could have gone, but I am still here.  This is something I HAVE to do.  I cannot fail and if I don't meet my Winning Outcome (WW SMART goal) then I write it again and keep trying.

Tool for Living #9: Reframing

From the WW Site: "There is a positive intention behind every thing you do. Sometimes, though, bad habits seem to get us the things we want. Reframing will help you find ways to realize your intention with a positive action."

For example, when I am stressed or having a bad day I want soda and candy BAD.  I am a stress eater.  If I am having a challenging day, I feel soothed by drinking a LOT of soda.  While diet soda is allowed on the Simply Filling plan, I know that soda and all the chemicals in it are not good for me in the long run, so less soda is best.

There are some questions I need to ask myself in order to "reframe" a negative behavior:

• What behavior do you want to change?
• What does that behavior get for you?
• How else can you get that benefit? (make a list of alternate activities)
• Which of these new behaviors would you be willing to try?

I love making lists...so I think I will do that now.  What alternate activities can I do to soothe myself?
Here were some suggestions from WW:

• Take a hot bath.
• Walk the dog.
• Organize: sit down and make a list of the things that need to be done.
• Write in your journal.
• Read a book.
• Call a good friend and talk about it.
• Take an art class. 

A more suitable list for me would be:

• Walk the dogs.
• Journal on my blog.
• Read a book.
• Text a friend.
• Play Words with Friends and Scrabble with my friends.

I will have to think on more alternatives.  They have to be easy ones because I am often stressed at work, and I need to be able to use an alternative that I can pull off on a short break.  Usually once I am home I am better about finding another way to cope with my stress.  I usually exercise and watch one of my shows, or take a nap, or clean.  One of my favorite ways to reframe is driving to my favorite loud music, that isn't always possible, but does help at the end of a challenging work day.

More of the same...

I could not attend my WW meeting today on account of an early soccer game so I did what I always do in that case, and go with my scale's weight.  Now I have been using two scales this week...mean scale (my old one that tacks on about 2 lbs over my official WW weight) and nice scale (the new one that has me weighing nearly 2lbs less than my official WW weight).  I have been weighing in on both of them and taking an average.  On the whole I was about 206 all week and am as of this morning as well.  Would have been nice to compare this to the official WW scale, and it seems I won't be able to do that next week as I thought because a make up game has been scheduled for 9am next Saturday when we were supposed to have an off week.  So doesn't look like I can have another official weigh in until the Saturday after next.

If my scale averages prove true that would mean I was down from the 207.8 from last week that the official WW scales reported.  I am guarded about this though.

I felt I was a bit better about Power Foods this week.  If I consider my weeks starting with weigh in days, I did get all 4 days in of exercise.  I cooked some new recipes this week that were yummy and from the WW site...Chicken Posole, Egg Salad, Fig Pork, and Baked Potato.  I didn't have a microwave lunch all week and didn't miss them in the slightest.  I have been having shrimp cocktail and leftovers.  I had hoped to see my weight go down a bit more, but I suppose I am still eating more than I should and not working out as hard as I could.  I do enjoy eating and get grumpy when hungry or feeling deprived, so I plan on kicking it up a notch during exercise time.

I have had some fun putting together my weight loss scrapbook.  Here is a photo that samples some of the pages, I won't bore anyone with photos of ALL the pages I have put into it thus far, but it is more than what is shown.

I will be adding the recipes I tried this week to the book as well as continue to make my way through old WW materials and cut out what I like.  I was surprised to find the Tools for Living in my old materials, thought I shouldn't have been.  It is easy to get overwhelmed with information when starting something new, and for all the times I have been at meetings, the Tools for Living are rarely mentioned so then never really stood out to me until I stumbled across them and began to blog about them.

Tool for Living #6 - Positive Self-Talking

From the WW site: "Positive Self-Talking can help you learn how to use words that will keep you motivated and make you feel and perform better."

This tool for living seems pretty straightforward to me, though it is easier said than done.  I am much better are recognizing negative self talk and working at keeping the positive self talk going.  I admit to feeling discouraged and most often my negative talk is "Why bother? You are just meant to be a big girl." I hear that talk in my head more than anything else and it has derailed me before.  I recognize it for what it is and push it out of my head.  I think about what it would be wear what I like and not worry about looking fat...then I usually get "You know that isn't possible, you have never looked like that" and I end up arguing with myself until I recognize that anything is possible...where there is a will there is a way.  This whole process is why the blog is named what it is, I have all sorts of conversations with myself!

So I soldier on thinking "You can do this," "You know you want this," "You can have this," "You possess the abilities, the strategies, and the tools to meet your goals."  Once again I cannot help but to think of SNL's Stuart Smalley and chuckle "I am good enough, I am smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"Maybe I should change that to "I am good enough, I am smart enough, and doggone it, I KNOW I CAN DO THIS!"

Frustration

So it turns out my new WW scale is kinder to me than the official WW scale.  I haven't been able to go to a meeting for the past two weeks due to my son's soccer games.  Thankfully the one today was at 11am, so I could manage a quick drive over to Redlands to weigh in and see how my new WW scale compared to the official WW scale.  I think I want my old scale back. *sighs heavily*  My WW scale this morning said I was 206, the WW scale at the meeting said I was 207.8.  So I have realized that my old scale tacking on an extra 2 lbs is much preferable to the new scale trying to be nice to me.  So of course all of my negative self talk starts up, but I won't let it win.  I am not going to dwell on this and forge ahead!

I have decided that in order for me to truly make this is a lifestyle change I need to make it my own.  I cannot do something because it is how it is expected to be done, but I need to do it in a way that will work for me.  I have long thought about starting my own recipe book, or weight loss scrap book, or just some sort of scrapbook-recipe-journal thingy.  Basically a place for me to make notes, glue in recipes or photos or inspirations what-have-yous.  I have attempted to do something like this in the past and failed.  I have been thinking about it a lot of late and this morning's frustration had me thinking on what I needed to do to get on track.  The constant back and forth of my weight as I get closer to my 10% is incredibly frustrating, I have to get off this weight gain/weight loss swing I am on and finally break under 200!

The gal at the weigh in asked me if I had any ideas on what is going on.  I was caught off guard by her question as she usually isn't too chummy with me, I just weigh in, she notes it and hands me my book with a smile...the end.  I looked at her a moment and just said "I eat too much" to which she replied "You can always stay for our Power Start sessions"  I thanked her and left.  I could not stay for the meeting due to my son's game, but I thought on that all morning.  The meetings are all well and good, I have been to all the power starts, but as I was saying before, I need to do things that I KNOW I can continue to do that will support making this a lifestyle change.  Staying for a "Power Start" again isn't going to help me right now.  I have sat through them, I need to continue to make lifestyle changes in my life that I can maintain.

So this journal I want to do...I HAVE to do it.  Anyone who knows me, knows what a nerd I am.  I LOVE office/school supplies.  I often collect them with no real agenda other than that they are cool looking or that I MIGHT find some use for something so fun.  An example of this are the pads of paper and journals I have laying around.  As I got to thinking on making this new journal I recalled a small wire bound blank journal I could not resist buying when Borders closed.  It is a good size and I already have it so why not try to start this journal idea with this book I have?  If it really takes off for me I can always buy a bigger one after I fill this one up.  So I am excited about getting started on this project and hope doing so will help keep me on course. I would LOVE to be under 200lbs by my birthday! (May 6)  I am excited to go back through all of my WW Weeklies and cut them apart for the things I enjoyed most about them and want to continue to reference. One thing that had put me off from making a journal like this before or a recipe book was making more work for myself and having all this writing or rewriting to do.  That is why I call this more of a scrapbook...I plan on cutting or scanning things and pasting them into this book for my regular use. 

I suppose now that I have inserted a photo of my new journal I should insert a photo of things I add to it!  That will help keep me accountable just like blogging every Saturday has.

Tool for Living #5 - Motivating Strategy

From the WW site: "Motivation, the best way to break through times that are tough, is that surge of energy, that inner oomph inside that inspires you to go for it."

Motivating Strategy steps:

1. Imagine yourself having already achieved your goals, and enjoying them.
2. Visualize the way your Winning Outcome will be experienced, when you achieve it. Use your senses so that you feel how it will feel. Add sounds, smells, movement.
3. Get in touch with the other good feelings that come from having achieved your goals.
4. Remain in touch with these feelings as you get back to doing the things you need to do to reach your goal.

Ironically enough this strategy is most handy when you feel frustrated!  Go figure!  I love that I was already using a motivation strategy to cope with my frustration at the scale.  My WW scrapbook is my motivation strategy! It will have all the things I find most encouraging in it.  One thing I try not to do is make excuses.  As I have written before, I am a fan of "The Biggest Loser" and this season their theme is "No Excuses."  I rather like that.  I don't want to make excuses for why I didn't lose this week.  I know I haven't been on the treadmill as much due to craziness in my week, I know I am still not 100% adhering to the Simply Filling technique, and I know I need to address that!  As for exercising, I really need to do it everyday except soccer practice days, those two days give me the break I need at the end of a very busy day.  As for the food, I have gotten better about having Power Foods on hand, but I am not one to waste food, so I have been eating my microwave lunches (all WW or Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice).  While they are not terrible, they do have points and when you are on the SF plan of WW you need to eat as many no point foods and meals as possible.  I am happy to say I have finished all of those microwave meals and am already planning on what my new lunches will be that will fall more into line with the SF plan.

I feel I am headed into this week with a good plan and I hope to see the payoff at my next weigh in!

Weight Loss Reflection

Xavier's second soccer game of the spring season kept me from my Weight Watchers meeting again, but that did not deter me!  My weight this morning was 205.5...that is a 2.5 lb loss!  I am happy to see that I recovered from my 1.8 gain.  I am only .5 off from meeting my weekly weight loss goal of 1 pound, as per stated in my Winning Outcome aka SMART goal...

My Winning Outcome/WW SMART goal:
I will loose 11 pounds through the Simply Filling technique and a minimum of 4 days of treadmill time a week, at a rate of one pound per week as verified and recorded at my meeting weigh-ins, so that the 10% goal of 200 pounds is met by Saturday, May 19th.

I feel a recap is in order!

Week 1 - March 10 - 206.2 - Winning Outcomes
Week 2 - March 17 - 208 - Storyboarding
Week 3 - March 24 - 205.5 - Empowering Beliefs

I was on Spring Break this week and had hoped to work harder at my WW SMART goal.  I did meet the minimum exercise requirements and am enjoying the addition of the leg work along with the stability ball crunches I have been doing.  I feel I could do better with the Simply Filling foods.  That seems to be my biggest difficulty, sticking to those foods.  I am not giving up though, I am sticking to my SMART goal and making this a way of life so that I can have long term success.  I don't want to lose weight to only gain it all back.  When it is gone I want it gone for good and I recognize that means life changes.

Tool for Living #4 - Mental Rehearsing

From the WW Site: "Mental Rehearsing is practicing in your mind ahead of time, being in a challenging situation. Our minds and bodies are one system, so your mind can help you behave or act a certain way."

I feel like I am beginning to do this, namely when I am faced with a dining situation that would cause me to veer off my weight loss course.  I am not perfect by far, but I find myself making small steps to avoid situations that don't provide me with the foods I should be eating and if I do end up eating something that is less than ideal, I do so in moderation, and know that more exercise is in my future!  One of my biggest obstacles on my weight loss journey is depriving myself.  I LOVE sweets, and while not every sweet is one I want to eat, there are certain ones I do. When faced with them, I do want to be able to partake.  Denying myself that sweet treat makes me grumpy.  Perhaps in time, when I have made more progress on this life change I won't feel that way, but for right now, depriving myself of sweets I enjoy at all times is something that will irritate me into failing.  I know this because it has happened to me before.  So by being aware of this I am able to better work with it and not let it derail me again.

So busy!

I am not making excuses, but this past week was insanely busy for me.  Long hours at work, soccer practices, conference...I was exhausted.  So what does all that mean?  No treadmill time and it shows.  My weight was up 1.8 lbs this week.  Due to an early morning soccer game, I was unable to go to my WW meeting, but I did get a NEW WW scale just like I said I would and it confirmed my old scale was 3-4 pounds off.  So I trust my new scale to be more like the official weigh in scale.  My new scale said I was 208 this morning and I believe it.  A busy week, no treadmill, and *that* time of the month = 1.8lb gain.  Am I bothered by that?  Discouraged?  Not at all.  I am officially on Spring Break and plan on hitting my treadmill hard this week as well as add in some leg work.  Presently I do 30-40 minutes of jog walking on the treadmill, plus arm exercises during the "walk" portions as well as crunches on a stability ball before I even get on the treadmill.  My legs have long been an area I have wished to improve.  I don't like their shape.  I can't think of a time in my life where I EVER liked how my legs looked. Fortunately we have a "workout room" in our house that my husband has equipped with various devices, one being a Smith machine.  I plan on starting out light, but I am going to be adding in squats and calf raises to help shape and tone my legs.  Now I do realize that this could slow my weight loss, but I am not going to let it deter me.  I am going to start easy and see how it goes.

So onto the Tools for Living!  Tools for Living Step 3 - Empowering Beliefs

I think this step is self explanatory.  It reminds me of a student of mine.  His head is FULL of his own negative self-talk.  We all have those moments, but it seems particularly strong in this child and I am working with him on turning the negative self talk into positive self talk.  Empowering Beliefs are just like positive self talk.

• "My weight goal is desirable and worth it."
• "I am capable of achieving my goal."
• "I deserve to achieve my goal."
• And as Stuart Smalley would say "I am good enough, I am smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"

I feel confident that I can do this, no matter what the set back or excuse.  I am not giving up and I am looking forward to my Spring Break!  I expect to work hard this week and finally see a LOSS instead of a GAIN at my next weigh in!  Ideally I would like to recover at least the 1.8 from this week, more than that would be AWESOME!

I am my own entertainment

It is weigh in day today!  So I go to my meeting...which is in Redlands at 9:30am on Saturdays.  It is the 3rd meeting location I have tried in both attempts at WW and the one that finally "clicked" with me.  The leader is a goofy but lovable red head who keeps us all chuckling.  The room is large and there are tables and chairs, it is an American Legion banquet hall and I really like it.  I rather enjoy the drive as well.  I used to go to a meeting in Rialto 5 mins from my house but was completely underwhelmed and squished. The meeting location was so TINY.  A tiny room full of big girls is suffocating. Anyway, I LOVE to drive...fast (I have a few tickets in my past to prove it) and I LOVE the wind in my hair and rockin tunes.  So a Saturday morning freeway drive is a breeze as I pump myself up for the meeting.  Just feels right.

So anyway, I cruise in my pimped out PT Cruiser (ok I had to say that because one of my girlfriends had the nerve to LAUGH at how much I love my PTC and dubbed it my "pimped out PT Cruiser" which I was SOLD on!  SO TRUE!).  Where was I?  Oh yes, cruising down the 10 freeway from Colton to Redlands in my bad ass pimped out PTC, windows down, music loud, ready to face the scale.

The moment comes and of course after WEEKS of not attending, who do I get to weigh in with?  THE LEADER!  Ugh.  I had to acknowledge that, which all the ladies there thought was funny and stepped on the scale for my Biggest Loser moment.  I hear the tell tale beeping in my head and here comes Alison...

"Melanie, last week you weighed 211 on your scale at home.  Your official Weight Watchers weight is..." *a bazillion agonizing beeps later* "206.2!  You have lost 4.8 lbs!"

Ok, so I have known my home scale is about 2 pounds more than the WW scale which I was ok with before, but now it seems to be approaching 3lbs!  I am so on Amazon after this for a WW scale, which I oh so conveniently saw in a WW magazine ad! Anyway, my home scale totally had me freaked out that I had gained more than I thought.  I last attended my WW meeting on 1.14.12 and weighed 204.4.  My home scale was telling me at the most I was 211, turns out in all the weeks I was gone I only gained 1.8lbs!  I was so happy!  I am committed to my SMART goal though!  A less than accurate scale isn't going to lull me into a false sense of security. I WANT MY 10% WW KEYRING!  What is that you ask?  Some lil trinket that I CANNOT get out of my head.  I have two little WW charms I earned for it sitting in their lil baggies, staring me in the face, that I cannot put anywhere except on that keyring!  I earned the 16 week charm for attending 16 weeks in a row (like two years go) and the 5K charm for doing a 5K walk.  I asked them if they had one for a bike marathon (I do those with Dom every year in Long Beach and LOVE IT) and they said no.  LAME!  Anyways, I want to reach my 10%, earn my keyring, make a new former-principal inspired SMART goal and keep on losing!  I WILL be the biggest loser! *laughs*  Oh and there are more lil charms to go on this keyring, for 25lbs, 50lbs, 75lbs, and so on.  You can see photos of them and descriptions on this gal's blog: http://jazzieandtahlia.typepad.com/my_weblog/2011/02/my-key-chain.html

Tools for Living Step 2 - Storyboarding

From the WW site: "Storyboarding helps you identify the steps you need to take to make your Winning Outcome a reality. Break down your long-term goals, i.e., your Winning Outcome, into a list of shorter-term goals or steps. Then draw or write out each one, Goal One through your Winning Outcome."

My Winning Outcome/WW SMART goal:
I will loose 11 pounds through the Simply Filling technique and a minimum of 4 days of treadmill time a week, at a rate of one pound per week as verified and recorded at my meeting weigh-ins, so that the 10% goal of 200 pounds is met by Saturday, May 19th.

My Storyboard
I much prefer writing over drawing, so here goes...

• I will get on the treadmill at least 4 days a week.
• I will stock my kitchen with Power Foods.
• I will apply the Simply Filling technique.
• I will lose at least one pound a week.
• I will attend my weekly WW meeting.
• I will meet my goal on or before May 19th.
• I will blog after every WW meeting to solidify my commitment to my overall health and well being.

I would actually like to make my 10% by May 6th, my birthday.  That is a Sunday, so I would have to hit it on the May 5th weigh in to celebrate!  I won't beat myself up if that doesn't happen, I wanted my SMART goal to be attainable and I need all the weeks I can get!

So I am feeling great and optimistic once again, I hope this isn't a mood swing... *laughs*

Winning Outcomes - SMART Goal for weight loss?

I have been kind of grumpy lately, mainly due to my lack of forward progress in meeting my weight loss goal.  I came so close to my 10% Weight Watchers goal, to only go backwards.  I have been too busy with work and life in general to take a strong stance against this backward movement.  I feel like I am slowly sliding downhill, losing the weight loss battle again.

I thought for a while that budget restrictions would cause me to cancel my online subscription to Weight Watchers.  After re-evaluating things I have found this is not the case and I am glad.  I recognize when I am making excuses and cutting the only thing that keeps me thinking about weight loss would be giving into my excuses.

I have been highly unmotivated to exercise of late and I feel like today I am finally able to break that.  I would work out right now if it were possible, but it isn't.  I am blogging on the go as this weekend as been a very busy one.  As soon as I am home, I am going for a jog on the treadmill.  I found that I have been viewing working out as yet another chore, and when I get into my overwhelmed mood I cut off things that make me feel overwhelmed.  I wish I found solace in exercise more.  Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.  Today I have gotten so grumpy and frustrated, only a brisk job on the treadmill until I am sweaty and tired can lift my mood.

I have been reading the Weight Watchers site more on my lunch breaks this past week, and I keep coming across the "Tools for Living" list.  That list is:

1. Winning Outcomes
2. Storyboarding
3. Empowering Beliefs
4. Mental Rehearsing
5. Motivating Strategy
6. Positive Self-Talking
7. Reframing
8. Anchoring

I figure I have not really made Weight Watchers a "way of life."  It is just something I do to try to maybe lose weight.  So I am attempting to make it a way of life.  I HATE tracking.  Let see how many ways I can say HATE and emphasize my point...abhor, detest, loathe...  Get my drift?  So then that leaves the "Simply Filling" Technique.  No tracking and only eating power foods.  As far as I understand it, you get your weekly bank of points, but don't adhere to the daily points.

After reading the page on the WW site about the "Tools for Living" I thought I would take more steps to make WW a way of life.  A friend of mine from guide dogs (Laurel) really stands out to me as an example of making WW a way of life.  She did it and you could see her body change, it was amazing.  I would like to be able to do that too. 

So now I attempt to make WW a way of life.  I don't like the way I feel or look and I want to be healthier.  So WW Tool #1 - Winning Outcome aka SMART Goal!  I had to laugh reading the WW page on winning outcomes and thinking of my former principal.  He was a SMART goal-aholic.  Winning outcomes are SMART Goals.  For those of you that don't teach with me a SMART Goal is...Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.

I watch the Biggest Loser, it is one of my favorite shows. I was thinking the last time I watched it how much courage it took to stand there for the world to see, all the rolls of fat and cellulite, and then your weight... I have avoided stating my weight publicly, though I have admitted it to friends when I talk to them about weight.  So I make this blog my own Biggest Loser scale.  I started WW about 2 years ago, with Kerri in May, and I want to say this May will make 2 years since rejoining WW.  


*Does her best Alison Sweeney (hostess of the Biggest Loser) impression*

"Melanie, when you started your weight loss journey nearly two years ago with Weight Watchers, your starting weight was 222 pounds.  Your current weight is..."

*insert dramatic scale music here*
 
"211 pounds."

*Melanie sighs heavily and rolls her eyes*

For a while I was holding at 204 pounds and have been gradually climbing upward, it is aggravating.  For my height (5'6") I am told I should weight 150 - 155 pounds.  I have not weighed that much since I was 16 years old. I don't believe this to be a realistic goal for myself.  In preparation for my wedding, I got my weight down to 170.  I think that is a much more realistic goal.  For now I will focus on my 10% WW goal of 200 pounds.  I am presently 11 pounds away from it.  I will do as my former principal had our grade levels do and make a short term SMART goal.

My Winning Outcome/WW SMART goal:
I will loose 11 pounds through the Simply Filling technique and a minimum of 4 days of treadmill time a week, at a rate of one pound per week as verified and recorded at my meeting weigh-ins, so that the 10% goal of 200 pounds is met by Saturday, May 19th.


That seems to get in all the aspects of a SMART goal and does not seem unrealistic to me.  I am trying very hard not to feel negative about this and quit.  I HAVE to do this.

Ramblings on Blogging and Family

I have been thinking a lot about blogging and why people do it.  As those who read my blog know I don't blog very often.  There are a few reasons for that.  One is not for lack of being at my machine.  Again, those who know me know I find my Mac to be a source of great enjoyment and entertainment.  I have often likened it to television.  Some people love television and movies (like my husband for example) and will watch hours of it.  Some love computers and will spend hours in front of one (like me) doing any number of things.

So back to blogging.  Why do people blog?  If they are like me, it is to just talk to yourself.  A way to sort through thoughts and frustrations, not really expecting a reply, knowing a few might see it, but more as an outlet for thoughts and feelings.  I believe there are levels to this as with most things.  I think of it simply as high, medium, and low.  I am a low level blogger.  I blog when I have the desire or the motivation.  I blog for Mary, when she points out I haven't blogged and try to come up with something witty, or something that lets me get my Latina out.  I am generally pretty laid back, but some will press my buttons just to see me get riled...not in a bad way, but to see the other side of me, the Puerto Rican side.  It is rather humorous and enjoyable for all who witness it or trigger it.

I write about blogging because something has been troubling me.  My husband reads my sister's blog on a regular basis.  I do from time to time when she links it to Facebook and I am on Facebook to see it.  This gets back to what I do with my computer time.  I am not constantly on Facebook as those who know me know.  Anyway, my husband loves to read all the goings on of friends and family on Facebook.  He is a regular reader of my sister's blog and often gives me the synopsis of what is going on in her life, which I generally enjoy. 

Like all sisters...or siblings for that matter...my sister and I have had our ups and downs.  We are in a down period at the moment due to a recent disagreement, that I choose to not go into because blogging about it would do nothing for me.  My sister has blogged about it, and this issue aside, is a very regular blogger.  I have been very impressed with her dedication to daily blogging and her desire to chronicle the goings on of her family.  I have long known I cannot blog with that much regularity.  It is not something I care to do.  I do however enjoy blogging, on my terms.  I enjoy writing, sharing my thoughts, ideas, and opinions.  As a matter of fact that is what I do most with my computer time.  Write.  I have always enjoyed writing...creative writing.  Writing for my National Boards was a nightmare because I had to write so clinically.  But when it comes to story telling...that is different. The irony of my National Boards is not lost on me.  It took me THREE YEARS to achieve it because of the section on WRITING.  Teaching writing is a huge task and had long been a source of frustration in my teaching.  Knowing I LOVE to write and then not being able to effectively teach children to write was a huge disappointment.  So the National Board journey taught me that, forced me to find a way, so I could achieve my goals of achieving certification, and more importantly teaching children to be effective writers.

My parents are very loving and raised my sister and I well.  There are various sayings I recall from my parents as I grew up.  Two of which I will mention now.  My mother often said to us on various occasions "I don't make no ugly babies!" I smile thinking on all the times she has said that.  She always says that with pride and conviction, and I always took that as a confidence booster.  My sister and I are strong women, confident in who we are, and I think that simple statement my mom would say to us captures that sentiment well.  The other saying I am not sure which parent to credit it to...it could have been one they both shared, but I recall a time when I may have said too much at school one day, and one or both of my parents were in my face, talking sternly pointing to the double door entry of our condo at the time "What happens behind those doors stays behind those doors!"  That sounds very ominous and I assure you I was not harmed as a child in any way by my parents.  They simply meant that the goings on of our family were meant for our family alone, not to be broadcast.  This is the saying that comes to mind when I think about blogging.  In this day and age so much is shared on the internet.  My sister shares more than I would, but I consider her a high level blogger where little to nothing is censored and she blogs her mind freely.  I often censor myself, this saying of my childhood heavily ingrained as well as supported by my husband.  So I blog within reason, not revealing too much, careful of what I write even when venting as to not hurt or offend those closest to me.

All that being said, I have been troubled hearing what my sister has blogged, not sure how to respond to her, not wishing to make things any worse, but not sure how to make them better.  So I come to my blog, much in the way she comes to hers, to say openly that I do care about her, her feelings, her family, and her soon-to-be born son.  Our lives are so full of work and family, I really do enjoy visiting with her, just she and I at a restaurant, talking.  No kids, no husbands, just sisters.

I have my own mottos in life...one of which is everyone is entitled to their opinion.  I don't say that with malice, I say it as a simple fact.  We all have our opinions and perspectives, as well as our reasons for them.  I respect that, and I expect it respected in return.  Another of my mottos is the Golden Rule...Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.  Those two mottos come up most in my life and I have found that if I life by them, life is often quite peaceful.